My experiences of verbal harassment and verbal abuse in the broadcast news industry

INTRODUCTION

Hello, my name is Gillis Williams. I am an autistic advocate, content creator, and social media influencer who’s originally from Chandler, Arizona. I post autism-related content primarily on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube. I have come forward to tell my story of my experiences in the Broadcast News industry, particularly during the time period of July 2022 to January 2023, which was when I moved to Eugene, Oregon, where I currently reside.

Broadcast News was a field I had a strong passion for, and it was something I knew I wanted to pursue the moment I stepped into it for the first time as a young junior in high school. More importantly, it was something I felt that I would be able to do for the rest of my career.

As I mentioned, I got started in the industry when I was in high school. I had just turned 16, and I discovered a trade school that had technology programs specifically for kids my age. One of the programs, in particular, was called Radio & Audio Production. It had its own student-led radio station that was entirely run by the teenagers who were students there learning the field of Broadcasting by two head teachers. When I first came into the program, I made a commitment to learn as much as possible, work my tail off, and hopefully be awarded with more opportunities to learn and grow.

Thankfully, my hard work and dedication paid off. I passed all of my tests and exams in the class, quickly excelled in the program, and within a couple months, was thrown onto the air to host my very first radio show. I couldn’t believe it! I had only been in the program for three months, and I was already going to be a voice to thousands of listeners across my home town. What could get better than this?

Fortunately for me, cool surprises started to pop up everywhere. One of the biggest ones was me being promoted to the student Program Director at the student-led station during my senior year of high school. I was so stoked, but also humbled and poised to continue to learn and prosper. Flash forward to the end of the school year, and I was named a Student of the Year nominee in my class for my ambition and tenacity to go above and beyond my peers. Although I did not win the award during my graduation ceremony, I still gave myself a pat on the back, knowing that I accomplished something huge by being named one of the few nominees out of thousands of students who attended the trade school.

After I graduated high school and received my diploma in Radio & Audio Production, I then went on to a 2-year community college, where I received my Associate’s Degree in Music Business. Most of my credits then transferred over to the school that I had my eyes set on for years…Washington State University!

Why did I want to go there so badly? Because that college had a very prestigious Radio & Television program for me to expand my knowledge of the industry. And on another note, as someone who’s native to the Phoenix area, I was getting sick of the summer heat, and wanted to move to somewhere colder. So it was kind of like a win-win situation!

After I moved to the small town of Pullman, Washington, to attend WSU, I still had my sights set on being an on-air DJ. However, I instantly took interest in a student-led television station that broadcast entirely on campus. I was reluctant to join, but I thought to myself: “Why not? I’ll try my hand at TV, and if I don’t like it, I’ll go back to doing radio.” Just like what I did at the radio station in high school, I worked extremely hard, working as a producer and editor for several non-scripted shows. And then, before you know it, I was promoted to a student executive role within the station for my senior year at the school.

As all these opportunities arose for me, I knew this was yet another accomplishment to add on to my resume. And by this point, I had changed my dreams from being an on-air DJ to working in the TV industry, so I started to look at news producing jobs around the Pacific Northwest. I instantly landed a job as an overnight news producer in May of 2022, the same exact month I walked on to the stage at my graduation ceremony, holding my college degree in my hand- a Bachelor of Arts in Broadcast News & Production.

And so…I was on to my next chapter…my “dream job” in my career field. I never thought I would accomplish as much as I did up to that point, but here I was! On to be a news producer for TV, something I never thought I would have been doing several years prior. But that’s life! You never know what to expect, am I right? However, that sentiment was about to have a whole different meaning to it that would completely change my perspective of the Broadcast News industry entirely.

MY EXPERIENCES

Two months later, in July of 2022, I packed up everything out of my first apartment, and made the long road trip down to Eugene, Oregon, a medium-sized city that sits in one of the grassiest valleys in the country. And not to mention…it’s home to the infamous Oregon Ducks at the University of Oregon (but as a Wazzu Coug, we don’t talk about that). About two weeks after I moved to town, I started my job at the TV station.

Before I go any further in telling this part of the story, I want to be clear that I will not name the TV station I worked at or the people involved. And when I’m describing the people whom I worked with, I will only refer to them by their job title, and use they/them pronouns to describe them in order to keep them as anonymous as possible. As someone who strives to show respect and sincerity to anyone regardless of what they have done or said to me and others, my end goal is to not try to humiliate them or publicly call them out for their actions, but to bring awareness to a series of disturbing situations and events that I unfortunately experienced.

When I first started work, everything was surprisingly pretty fun.

Everyone I worked with was friendly and welcoming, and I could tell the news director and general manager really liked me. I was also working with two colleagues I went to WSU with (they had graduated a year before me), which made things feel like a family environment.

My job title was a morning show producer who was responsible for working a graveyard 11:30pm-to-8am shift while producing the 5am and 6am newscasts for the station. But I was assigned to a regular 8am-5pm shift at first, which is what most of the reporters and producers worked, so the news director could help me get experience producing all the newscasts, including the midday, evening, and late night ones. I was on this shift for seven weeks total, learning everything I could about the newscasts, while trying to impress my news director and make a name for myself as the “hard-working newbie.” After my seven weeks was up, my news director determined that I was ready to join the morning team. I couldn’t have been more excited to get started. Sadly, this was when I started to run into some major problems.

I officially started as a morning show producer in mid-September that year, almost two months after I got hired. I was introduced to my entire team I’d be working with: the morning news anchor, the editor, the photojournalist, the weather anchor, and the two directors (in the news industry, they’re called TMPs). In addition to the team, I also had the chance to briefly work with the other morning show producer whose position I was going to be taking over, as they were only there to train me on how to properly produce the morning shows, before moving over to the evening newscast team a few weeks later.

When I first introduced myself to the morning anchor, they were initially very nice and respectful. They told me about them working in the retail industry for several years before deciding to go back to school and get a Broadcasting degree to pursue their new dream of becoming a news anchor, which was slightly down the line of what my aspirations were. They then made it very clear that they were about ten years older than me, and made sure they would provide me with their expertise in several industries to help work with me on the shows. To add on to that, they even had the chance to look at my social media accounts, and were really impressed with my message on spreading autism awareness.

When I started producing the newscasts, at first, the anchor gave me constructive criticism and honest feedback on how my writing and producing could be better, particularly when we had commercial breaks and were off the air. At first, I was open and receptive to this criticism, as I acknowledged that I was a young, inexperienced producer who still had a lot to learn, so I took all the criticism I could get.

However, the criticism turned from open and honest to strange and silly comments. As the weeks went by, the anchor started to tell me that my production lacked “soul” and lacked “motivation.” These comments were constantly said to me when I was in the production control room, and they would sometimes be said to me in private, mostly around the newsroom where the office workspaces were. At first, I started to laugh at these comments in a casual way, as I just thought to myself that this anchor had a slight ego, and was just trying to push me harder. So I didn’t necessarily ignore these comments, but I tried to shift focus on my own work and how I could, in good conscience, produce the morning newscasts to the best of my own ability.

But then the comments from the news anchor got worse and worse, to the point where they almost sounded like personal attacks. They went from saying my newscast lacked “soul” and “motivation”, to saying that I, myself, as a person, lacked these certain qualities. And then, their tone of voice when delivering these comments started to become louder…and angrier. And this behavior started to really show during our newscasts.

There were many instances, either off the air or when a voiceover was playing, that the anchor would slam their hands on the news desk in frustration, and fiercely cross their arms while staring into the camera, shaking their head profusely. During these moments, part of me wanted to ask what was wrong, but I was too scared to do it, with the fear of being screamed at or sternly scolded.

Frustratingly, there were several instances where the anchor would sternly tell me that, as the producer for my show, it was not up to them, the anchor, to make the creative decisions for the newscasts, but it was up to me to do so. In other words, they would tell me to “take control of my show” and “stand up for myself” by going against what they were saying, even when they vocally screamed their disagreements with what I was doing. I was so irritated and confused by this, because they wanted me to go against what they were suggesting, only for them to get angry and furious at me when I actually did. I felt like I was being bullied and controlled by somebody who had absolutely no authority to do so, especially since our job titles were at the same level on the totem pole from a work experience and pay grade standpoint.

And in regards to them being much older than me, they constantly pointed that out to me almost every day, stating that they were “old” and I was a “young kid fresh out of college who was still learning a lot about life.” And as they kept bringing this up, the more irritating it was for me to hear it, because it felt as if they were treating me like a child, and not a grown adult. Keep in mind that while they were much older than me, I was still in my early 20s. So there was no reason whatsoever for them to treat me like a kid.

After a disaster newscast one day, I pulled the other morning show producer to the side, and I kindly asked if they were open to staying on as a producer for the morning team, while I went back to the evening team and worked with the news director again. Without saying too much, I told them with the utmost sincerity that I was not comfortable in the morning team’s environment. I could tell they were trying to remain as objective as possible, but they ultimately decided to speak with the news director on their end to come up with a solution.

Later that day after I got off work, the news director told me to come back to the station right before noon to meet with the morning team in person to “hash things out” and get any issues resolved. When I got to the meeting room, the entire morning team was there, along with my co-producer. The director sat us all down, and calmly told everyone that there was “no right or wrong” in this discussion, and proceeded to ask any of us to volunteer to speak up first. Before I could even raise my hand, the morning anchor jumped in, and had a completely different tone than they had had towards me up to this point.

They spoke to me in a soft, quelling manner, telling me that if I had any problem with them to not be afraid to come speak to them directly. I forced a smile on and acted like I was listening with all ears, but deep inside, I was furious and outraged. Not only were they putting on an act of being polite in front of the boss, but they encouraged me to do something that I had already been doing, which ended up with me getting yelled at every time.

Overall, I did not get a chance to share my side of things during the meeting. It was pretty much just the anchor and editor who did the talking, and by the time the editor also shared their thoughts, the director told everyone to wrap up the conversation, because they had to step out of the meeting relatively quickly to start work on producing the evening newscasts. While there were a couple small solutions we all came up with, I still felt disappointed that I didn’t even get a chance to talk. But I don’t know what good it would have done for me, other than possibly create more drama.

As the director left the office, they looked at me and sternly said my co-producer absolutely had to move to the evenings as soon as possible, and that me leaving the morning team was “not an option.” I was a little disgruntled to hear this, but I remained professional and complied with what they said. I left that meeting feeling a bit worried, but hopeful things would get better since there was at least some conversation. Sadly, things did not get better.

As the weeks progressed, my co-producer by then had left for the evening team, and left me to my own devices. By this point, the anchor’s language and screaming got worse, and it got to the point where they were authoritatively altering the entire newscast I put together to create a “vision” that they saw fit for themselves. With all this going on, they continued to make the same statements that it was “my show” and I should “take control.” But like I already said, I tried to do this just a little bit, but would end up getting scolded in the process.

There were even moments during their verbal tirades that they would tell me not to listen to my news director, because they thought they “didn’t have a clue” what it was like to run the morning newscasts. This made me very confused and unsure of who to listen to. Should I go against what the anchor was saying and risk getting screamed at again by listening to my boss, or should I ignore my boss and risk getting an angry email from them just to satisfy my news anchor? I didn’t even know what to do with myself anymore.

Not only was this negatively affecting my mental health inside the workplace, but it was also hurting me outside the workplace. Almost every morning after leaving the station, I would drive over to the grocery store and consume a lot of candy bars and energy drinks. I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying that you eat when you’re upset. And I can’t tell you enough…consuming candy and energy drinks was my response to my negative mental state. I consumed all this sugar to make myself feel better. But in reality, it was making me fall apart.

I could barely go to sleep without waking up and having a lot of energy to use up, and I was pulling my hair out so much to where I had a massive bald spot on the right side of my head. Every day when I woke up, went to work, and then came back to my apartment to eat dinner, I had dark circles under my eyes with my actual eyeballs being bloodshot red all the time. To sum it all up, I felt like I was walking on eggshells, both inside and outside the station. The bottom line is that nobody in their early twenties should be dealing with this amount of stress, but it was unfortunately something I was putting up with.

One day, after the morning newscasts got done, the news director emailed me, detailing concerns they had with how I was editing the newscasts, and asked me how they were able to help improve my job performance. I was scared to send an email out, but all I could say in a reply was that because of my disability and me having trouble focusing on certain tasks, it was affecting my ability to produce the shows in a timely manner. This really wasn’t the reason (the real reason was me being pressured and bullied by the news anchor to produce the show the way they wanted it to look), but I felt I had no other choice but to reply with another reason unrelated to the actual issue. The director replied back, asking me to come in to meet with them for a few minutes later that day, with them encouraging me to stay positive and motivated.

Right before I got to the station, the director texted me and let me know that when we met, they wanted to keep the conversation positive and talk solutions without hearing me say that things weren’t going to work out with the morning team. When I spoke with them in person that day, I was still too scared and afraid to speak up about what was really going on, so I decided to use my autism disability again as a reason why I wasn’t doing so well (and if you think about it, it’s embarrassing for me to use my disability to cover up the real truth of the harassment I was enduring). Long story short, the director told me to keep things simple and have a clean newscast.

However, unbeknownst to them, this was not what my news anchor wanted. But again, what could I have said during that face-to-face meeting to change things, other than start more conflict and put myself in an even worse position? So I just simply complied with my boss, and left the room.

A couple weeks passed, and the 2022 midterm elections were only a few days away. In the world of news, an election month is literally one of the biggest times of the year for news stations, reporters, and journalists. And as stressed out as I was at this point, I was actually excited, because I felt this was an opportune moment to showcase my best production skills to the news director, especially with being a new member of the team.

On Tuesday morning, which was the day of the midterms and hours before voters headed to the polls, I was gearing up and preparing a major newscast. But then the morning anchor, who came in a couple hours later, started to verbally criticize my content as “vague,” “dumb,” and “stupid.” They even went as far as to criticize the work from other news anchors, reporters, and producers who were not involved with the morning team.

In that very instance, I was barely able to even touch the newscast, as I was so terrified to write any news story down without the fear of getting screamed at. As a result, both morning newscasts were nearly unfinished at the time they aired, and I was trying to keep my emotions together in the production control room.

The anchor started slamming their hands on the desk whenever they got the chance to, cursing under their breath while sporting a nasty grin towards the camera. Midway through the newscasts, they told me in an irate tone of voice to meet with them after the newscasts were over, expressing their frustrations towards my work. I simply replied through my headset, “Okay.”

Roughly an hour and a half later, I saw the anchor storm towards my computer desk, ordering me to step into the main conference room, even going as far as referring to the room as their own office space, despite the fact that no one even owns that particular room. The editor also joined us, and they both sat me down in empty seats, and glared at me from across the table.

They both began to scream right in my face, directing verbal insults towards me and my work, all the while listing off a horde of complaints they had towards me. The anchor repeatedly said during their rant that they were not being mean, but being blunt and brutally honest. The editor bounced off what they were saying, getting louder and louder with their language. As all this was happening, I was sitting in my seat completely frozen. My eyes became red as I was trying to hold back tears. Part of me was so afraid to move because I felt like if I did, then I would just be chastised even more.

Once they both finished yelling, the anchor eased into a calm tone of voice, and asked me, “What can I do to help you succeed?” After hesitating to answer for several seconds, I started to utter some words, until I was interrupted and abruptly scolded again. The anchor apologized, and told me to continue. At that moment, I really wanted to tell the both of them that their behavior was completely out of line and unacceptable; however, after just getting a verbal beatdown, I was too scared. So, I wrote it off by saying it was my autism disability that was posing me challenges.

The anchor then resorted to baby-talking me, telling me that my autism disability was a “cop-out” and an “excuse.” In normal circumstances, they were correct that my autism would not be an ideal excuse for my lack of production, but given this very different situation over the past couple months in which I had felt controlled and defenseless to speak up or do anything, their said arguments were irrelevant.

After talking down to me for almost fifteen minutes, the anchor then came up with their own solution, deciding that for the next week, they would take control of the entire newscast and have complete say over what the entire day would look like, and I would be referring to them for whatever news story I would put in and take out of the production catalog. They told me in a confident yet eerie tone of voice that they were going to get me to a place where I would succeed, before leaning in towards me and screaming, “But this will never happen again!” They repeated this statement at least two more times, with each one sounding more frightening than the last. They closed things out by saying that if I did not meet their standards within one week, they were going to sit me down for a one-on-one meeting and re-evaluate my future with the news station, despite them having no say over the duties and responsibilities of each employee.

I left the station immediately thereafter. Words can’t put into context the pain I was feeling, but if it means anything to help you understand, I was in one of the worst mental, emotional, and physical states of my entire life. I went to my car feeling dizzy and lightheaded with a throbbing headache. I tried to pull myself together and safely drive home, but I started to feel like I was going to throw up. My vision became blurry, and my eyes felt red and swollen. I had to immediately pull over in a parking lot at a Walmart store to get some air. I stepped out of the car for a quick minute, but began to feel worse. So I jumped back inside my car and lowered my seat back to the point where I was lying down. Then, I closed my eyes for a few minutes, trying to calm myself down. But this also wasn’t working. So I called the only person I knew could help me escape this trauma I was experiencing- my dad.

When I called him, he answered right away. Without exploding over the phone and screaming at him everything that had been happening, I just said in a straightforward voice what was going on. But I was still so emotional from that morning that I sort of gave him all the details out of order. However, my dad understood what was up within just a minute of me talking.

He gave it to me straight, and told me that this anchor I was working with was being a narcissist and control freak, and that they were taking advantage of me. At first, I was having a hard time listening since I had so many other things flying through my head, but I came to listen to him. I told him that I was confused and didn’t know how to handle things. Even though I was a grown adult (I was 22 years old during this time) and my dad wasn’t going to command me to do something, he gave me some strong advice for me to take and follow.

He told me I needed to stand up for myself, and the next time this person tried to step on my toes, I needed to tell them to step off and allow me to do my job. My dad went on to say if I continued to stand up for myself and the anchor became offended and felt like their feelings were being hurt, then they were showing me their true colors as a person. My dad even said it wouldn’t be a bad idea to consider leaving my job if things got worse, but told me not to act on this right away and continue working at the station to see if things hopefully got better.

After we got off the phone, my head still hurt and I was still very emotional, but I was able to pull myself together and drive myself back to my apartment safely. I think hearing my dad’s voice that day made me feel a little better. I went to bed right when I got home, getting a decent 9 hours of sleep. I got up the next night, with me feeling more confidence and determination for the morning ahead.

It was the morning after the midterms, and polling results were still coming in across the country. I was still looking forward to impressing my news director on this big morning, and immediately got to work. The co-producer I had worked with for a few weeks who had since moved on to the evening newscast came back that morning for a brief couple hours to help me and the morning team prepare for all the election results coming our way.

The morning anchor came in a couple hours early. Right when they got in, they pulled out a chair and came to sit next to me at my desk, looking at everything I was putting together. I answered questions they had about some of the stories, and then they nudged me to the side, grabbing my computer mouse and pointing to all the issues they had with particular areas of the newscast. Right then and there, I took my dad’s advice, mustered up the courage, and stood up for myself by telling them that this is what I was doing and that was my final decision. They began to criticize what I was saying, in which I responded by waving them off with my hand, signaling to them to leave me alone.

They were speechless, not knowing what to say or do. I could tell by how stunned they were that they didn’t think I would be able to raise my voice. They quietly walked back to their desk.

A few hours later, right before the start of the newscast, the anchor pulled me into a quiet room, and confronted me over what they thought was a lack of effort on my part to produce the newscast in a timely manner. I stood up for myself again, telling them I was taking control this time and doing exactly what I was supposed to do. They then pointed out the previous moment we had in which I waved them off and told them to back off, claiming that I was being “disrespectful.” I responded by saying I was not out of line with my behavior, as I was “taking control” and finally fighting back against their harassment, especially since they had repeatedly invoked this type of behavior towards me.

The argument became more heated, and I decided that I finally had enough. So I told them square in the face that I would quit my job in an instant if they did not listen to what I was saying. All of a sudden, the anchor’s mouth went completely shut. Their eyes veered towards the ground for a few seconds, as they had to process for a moment what I had just said. They said in an uncomfortable tone of voice that they didn’t understand why I wanted to quit, explaining that their rude behavior was “typical” in the Broadcasting industry. I simply replied: “If that’s the way this industry is, then I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I’M DONE!”

The anchor then clenched their fists with their face filled with rage and their lips pressed together, and they stormed out of the room. Reflecting on that moment, I still remember the exact way they walked out. And to be honest, it looked like I was watching an adolescent throw a temper tantrum and then angrily leave the room. I had never seen anything like it before.

I ended up sticking around for the remainder of the newscasts. And then, without saying a word to anyone, I packed up my belongings at my work desk, and I quietly left the station. I called my dad about an hour later, and I told him what had happened. He told me he was very proud of me for standing up for myself, but said I took things too far by quitting my job. He told me that I made a decision when I was emotional and “in the heat of the moment”, and he said I shouldn’t have done that.

I agreed with what he said, so when I asked him what he recommended my next steps should be, he told me to stick to my job by going into work the next shift, but beforehand, messaging my news director to inform them that I wanted to speak to them privately over the phone.

I did just that, and called my news director a couple hours later. I could tell by their tone of voice, they were both dumbfounded and upset. They explained to me over the phone that the anchor tried calling them multiple times both during and after the newscast that morning.

At that point, I came out and told them everything the anchor had been doing and saying to me. The director was clearly upset on my behalf, but they also made things clear they had to stay neutral when getting my viewpoint, as they had not yet talked to my editor and anchor directly.

I eventually agreed with my boss to continue coming into work, with them saying they would talk to the other team members later, and do all they could to hash things out so that these issues I brought up never happened again.

Later that afternoon, I received an email from the director, telling me things I could do and say differently at the station while also informing me they spoke to my entire team and told them changes they could make on their end to ensure we would better work together as a team. They ended the email by expressing their confidence in the entire team, saying that we can be successful if we put our heads together and work out our differences. I was actually pretty content with the email. I felt like this may be a turning point where things slowly but surely start to change for the better.

A couple weeks had passed by then, and the anchor became rather quiet around me, only communicating with me when they had questions for me about the morning newscasts. I think in some ways, I started to get along with them a bit more, but I do admit there was still some tension between us. However, things were starting to move in the right direction, and I guess that was saying something.

But right when things were slightly improving, that’s when I began to have issues with my editor. I have already noted that I had had some conflict with my editor prior to the incident with my anchor during the midterms; however, my editor’s behavior towards me started to get much worse since then.

My editor would usually come in a couple hours after I showed up to produce the newscast, so they could review the content I was putting together and create videos and audio based on the stories I put in. Right before they came in, I placed a note into one of the stories in our production system, politely suggesting they make an edit to some footage from the previous day. When they came in and reviewed my notes and saw this note from me, they sternly told me not to make such suggestions, as they said they “don’t take those kinds of things very well.” When I asked them to clarify what they meant, they began to scream at me, yelling at me to not tell them how to do their job. I apologized in a fearful tone, afraid to say anything to them the rest of the day.

I want to be clear that I was in no way demanding them to perform a certain task that I thought would be correct. I was just making a friendly suggestion with the sole intention of being a good teammate and working together. Simply put, if they made a suggestion like that to me, I wouldn’t have been upset.

And then there was another time during the week of Thanksgiving when my anchor had to leave early because they were feeling sick, so my news director sent me a message, putting me in charge of the midday newscast, which was the show my anchor would typically produce after I went home for the day.

Sometime after the anchor left, the editor screamed at me from their computer desk, asking why I was “butting in” to the midday newscast and making edits when they claimed they had everything covered. I told them that I was just doing what I was instructed to do by the news director. They then criticized the director’s decision to put me in charge of the newscast when they said they had it handled. In a professional tone, I asked them, “What do you want me to do then?” They then replied, “Just get the hell out and leave!”

As angry as I was being talked down to, and as much as I wanted to say something back, I held in my anger and emotions, and calmly told them: “Okay. If that’s what you want, then I’ll go.” I quietly left the station that day.

In addition to these few moments, there would be times on-and-off when I would hear this person constantly slam their hands on their desk. Every time they did it, it would scare me, and there would be times when I stayed completely still at my desk, not even moving a muscle, because I felt like if I did move, I would be screamed at. What’s even creepier about this is that I never knew why they were slamming their hands. Was it because they were mad at me? Was it because they had something going on in their personal life that they couldn’t help but be angry at? Who knows? All I know is that these moments…and more…made me absolutely terrified to work with this person.

There were even times when I would hear them step out into the hallway and start bellowing out loud screams. During one of these instances, I walked away from my desk to use the restroom. As I opened the door to enter the station’s hallway, I saw them coming into the newsroom from the opposite way I was going, and they were crying. Part of me wanted to go up to them and ask them what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to make things better. But then again, part of me was also too nervous to do so, given that they’ve screamed, shouted, and shown frightening behavior to me before. As much as I wanted to go up to them, they just didn’t seem very approachable.

As the weeks passed and these issues with my editor got worse, I started having issues with my anchor again. But this time around, the negative behavior from them was not directed to my face; instead, it was behind closed doors.

One time after one of the newscasts got done for the day, me and the anchor stood right outside the broadcast booth and started chatting about things we wanted to work on to improve the newscast. In that conversation, the anchor acknowledged that their past behavior towards me was not okay. They went on to say we both had our issues at first which we were finally working out. They even admitted there had been many times in their life where they would be very authoritative with people they worked with, and they were working on minimizing this behavior.

In return, I admitted my faults, and made clear some things that I needed to work on. (Even with every bit of bad behavior I’m speaking out against, I was not perfect either. There were many things that I needed to work on myself). That was the best conversation we had had as an anchor-producer duo. We actually talked our differences out, and charted a clear path forward for us to fulfill our goals as a morning news team. I had never thought I’d be saying this, but for once, I felt like this was our moment to shine through and become great teammates and close colleagues. But within just ten minutes after our conversation, all of that was entirely deflated.

A few minutes after we finished talking, I made my way from the producer’s control panel back to my computer desk so I could look at some emails and then pack up for the day. As I entered the newsroom area, I could hear a quiet conversation between the anchor and the editor outside in the hallway not too far from where I was standing. I didn’t think much of it at first, but when I started hearing my name being addressed, I began to listen in on what was being said from a distance.

I heard the anchor criticizing my content and work ethic, repeating the same exact things they had said many times before, like that my content was “stupid,” “ridiculous,”, and “weak,” even going as far as to use these words to describe me as a person. And just like that…I went from being excited to feeling sad and disappointed. I couldn’t believe it. After having a very thoughtful conversation just a few minutes prior, the same person who was supposed to be my co-worker and teammate, whom I had thought was finally wanting to work with me, just went behind my back and insulted me. I just didn’t know what to make of it. It left me speechless.

I’m pretty sure there were more situations afterwards where this anchor did the exact same thing as far as going behind my back and saying mean things about me, but I only overheard this one particular conversation.

And echoing my statement from earlier, they were starting to say these things when I wasn’t around instead of in front of me. And I think it was mainly because they realized that they couldn’t pick on me face-to-face anymore, or their job would be at risk, since I first reported their behavior to my boss.

But as the weeks continued, I noticed they were starting to fall back into their old ways. During one of the newscasts, in which I was laser-focused at the control panel, we were about to go to a commercial break, and as the anchor was reading off the teleprompter, they began to read a teaser I had written down that they weren’t entirely aware of. Completely disliking what I wrote, I could hear the anchor scream through their earpiece, and from what I could make out on the TV sets in the production room, they shot up out of their seat, and threw their pen across the room.

I assume, from what I saw, the directors in front of me anticipated their scream, and quickly turned their mic volume down to zero so that it couldn’t be heard on the air. And just in case you’re wondering, they were not visible on the TV screen when this happened. The video that displayed the upcoming news story could only be seen.

You probably guessed it, but I was petrified. I had known for years that there could be some anchors that had anger problems, but nothing on the level of that. I put my hands up in the air, scared to even touch the talk button on the control panel so I could communicate with them.

After collecting themselves for a minute, they walked back to their seat and half-heartedly apologized for their outburst, with them giving a simple explanation that they were just “upset” over the teaser I had written down. I wanted to yell something back, but given that I had dealt with this behavior one too many times, I was too exhausted and mentally drained to do it.

All these instances of verbal harassment and shouting escalated, and my mental health was deteriorating. I was beginning to wish I had never joined the station in the first place if any part of me were to think that the experience was going to be this terrible. If you go back to my old TikTok videos that I posted during this time period (November 2022 to January 2023), you can see clear signs of stress and unwellness on my face. Dark circles are under my eyes and my hair at times looks really messy. This was all because of what was happening at the station.

Not even being close to my family made things better, either. Because of my job at the station, I couldn’t go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Plus, since I had only been in Eugene for a few short months, I hadn’t made a lot of new friends yet, so I couldn’t ask anyone if I could visit their family for the holidays. To sum it up, I felt so alone, like I was inside a dark hole with nothing but a dark environment surrounding me. I had no one to talk to, and no one I could really share my experiences with.

All these emotional feelings inside and outside the workplace, combined with the way I was being treated on the job, made me reach my breaking point. After celebrating New Year’s Day, which was one of the very few times during this period when I actually felt good, I decided I was done. I told myself I couldn’t take it anymore, and in order to save my mental health, I had to leave the station…and the industry…for good.

Right at the start of the new year, I took roughly a week to type up my two-weeks-notice letter to my director. At first, I was a bit nervous to tell my boss for a couple reasons. First, I was six months into my two-year contract, and knew there could be some serious legal repercussions if I broke my contract. And second, I was afraid my boss would be very upset and try to talk me out of quitting.

But after some reflection on these reasons, I knew that the larger downsides of me working there far outweighed the downsides of me leaving. So once I finished typing up my letter, I told myself I was ready to face this moment head-on.

One morning after wrapping up the newscast, I left to go run some errands and grab a few things, and then I drove back to the station to deliver the news to my boss. In my letter, I detailed to them the reasons why I was leaving. I told them everything that had been happening to me since I first reported the poor behavior from my anchor a couple months ago.

To my surprise, my boss took my resignation pretty well. They didn’t yell or scream back, let alone interrupt me. They allowed me to read my letter to them from start to finish. When I finished reading, they had a calm but empathetic tone of voice. They told me I needed to take care of myself, and they completely understood where I was coming from. In an objective manner, they told me the incidents of poor behavior I highlighted was something they did not find acceptable at all.

Furthermore, they said it made them rather curious of what was really going on during the overnight hours at the station, saying they wouldn’t be opposed to moving to the morning team for a few days to act as a “fly on the wall.”

After talking for a few more minutes, I got up from my seat, shook their hand while thanking them for respecting my decision, and left their office. A couple days later, we both agreed to have me work a few weeks beyond my two-weeks deadline, in which after two weeks of being on the morning team, I would then transfer to the evening team for three more weeks, with my last day at the station being in mid-February.

The next two weeks flew by with ease, as I was gearing up and prepping for next steps. But while I had all these plans for what my next move was, I still remained focused on the task at hand, which was giving it my all as a producer until my very last day.

As the reader, I know you’re expecting at this point for me to throw you a curveball, just as I’ve done at several points in this story. And as much as I’m sure it’s hurt for you to read everything I’ve had to put up with, I hate to tell you that it all took a turn for the worse.

It was Friday, January 27, 2023. A day I will never forget.

That day was supposed to be my very last newscast on the morning team until I moved to the evening team the following week as planned. I got into the station right before midnight as usual, and started to create all the news stories and build the newscasts. A couple hours later, my editor came in and reviewed my content.

I noticed some footage from a news story the day prior I wanted to use for the morning newscasts, but there was some video content that needed to be removed. So I wrote down these specific times in the video on a sticky note, got up from my desk, and walked over to my editor to hand it to them.

When I reached my hand out for them to grab the note, they suddenly slammed their hands on their desk, yelling that they had told me many times not to tell them how to do their job. I paused for a second, and asked them what they were talking about, explaining that I was just handing them a sticky note. They repeated the same thing to me, and told me to shut up and go sit down.

I then spoke up by putting my foot down and telling them they were being rude and disrespectful, in which they responded that I was being rude. Not letting up, I told them they were an adult acting immature and needed to grow up.

They then screamed at me to get away from their desk, and while they were in their rolling chair, pushed themselves away from their computer so far to where they were in the middle of the newsroom. They reached into their pocket and pulled out their phone, holding their hand high in the air while threatening to call the police if I didn’t back off.

I immediately walked back to my desk, telling them if they were going to act this way towards me, then I would leave. In a childlike tone of voice, they responded by saying they would tattle-tale on me to the news director and general manager for walking out on the job. As I began to pack my bag, I told them I didn’t care what they said, but I did not want to be treated unreasonably anymore. Much to my shock, they told me adults in life were going to treat me like that anyway, and that I just had to accept it, in which I replied, “If that’s what I have to deal with, then I don’t want to be a part of this.”

They started to go off on a tirade, pointing out small grievances they had towards me, and even brought up issues they knew I had with my anchor. They snarled at me, telling me they knew I was leaving the morning team because of these issues, despite me not even saying a word to them or anyone else other than the news director about my resignation letter.

Having heard enough of their screaming and shouting, I started walking out, repeatedly telling them that they were being a bully. They asked me to explain why, in which I refused to, and I kept walking. That’s when they started mocking my autism disability, making fun of my voice and the way I sounded as well as my mannerisms.

I finally opened the door to the hallway and stepped out, only for me to hear a threat that was so surreal and inexplicable: “GILLIS, I’M GOING TO FIND YOU, AND END YOU!” I stormed out of the building, speed-walking to my car, and quickly driving out of the parking lot and through the building gate.

When I got back to my apartment, it was right before 3am. My roommates were still asleep. I was still shaken up from what had happened, but tried my best to keep quiet.

Around 5am, my news director called me. The first thing they said was that they were speechless. They went on to say they had never dealt with a situation like this in their 30 years of being involved in Broadcast News.

During this whole time while they were talking, I was trying to say something, but nothing was coming out of my mouth. All these words were flying around in my brain, but I just couldn’t say anything. When the director started asking me questions and firmly demanded me to tell them what happened, I still had no words.

When they started losing their patience over the phone and asked me to give them at least one detail into what went down, I burst out in tears, telling them I don’t know what I did to deserve being treated so poorly. Then, they calmly asked me in a cooler tone of voice, “What happened?”

Because all these thoughts were still rattling around in my head over the incident, I blurted out some of the details, but did not tell my news director everything. Part of me was too afraid, but it was also because I couldn’t get my thoughts in order.

After they heard me talk, they told me they heard “both sides of the story,” and simply played it off by saying me and my editor simply “didn’t get along,” labelling the situation as us having conflicting personalities that didn’t mesh well. Then, they told me about the next steps the station was going to take on whether I should keep coming in for the remaining three weeks we agreed to. Lastly, before hanging up, they told me to keep my head high, and that I would “get through this.”

That weekend, after taking some time to myself, I decided to send an email to the director, saying I would no longer be coming in to work, while telling them I would be filing a complaint to the legal team that handles the Human Resources issues at the TV station. I further stated in my email that I did not tell them everything that had happened on the day I walked out, including the incident where my safety was threatened. I subsequently typed down every detail from that morning.

On the following Monday, my director texted me, telling me to meet them outside of the station building later. They said we weren’t going to discuss anything related to my workplace complaint, but they would simply hand me my final check and any belongings I had at my work desk.

When I got to the station and received everything from the director, the last thing they told me was that regardless of what happened, they personally thought I was a great person and human being, and had nothing but good things to say about me. I then shook their hand, thanking them for having me work at the station for six months, and told them I was going to be okay. And just like how I entered the newsroom on my first day, I quietly left the building without issue.

When I first got in my car to drive away, I took a long, deep breath, feeling like the biggest weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. And the weight that was holding me down was all the stress, poor mental health, and poor peace of mind I was dealing with. So by driving off and ridding of that toxic workplace culture for good, I finally felt free again. And I couldn’t have gotten there without standing up for myself and fighting back against the abusive behavior.

A week after I left, I got connected with one of the legal representatives who worked with the station. I told them the whole six-month story from start to finish. At first, I was a little nervous that things weren’t going to go my way and I would face legal repercussions for breaking my contract. But much to my surprise, the legal team didn’t reach out to me until three months later, simply saying they took “all the necessary steps” to address the issues I reported, and that they wished me all the best moving forward. And I humorously thought to myself, “Okay, I guess that’s over.”

The only thing I guess that still sort of bothers me is that the anchor whom I reported is still working at the TV station today. I also don’t know if the editor I worked with is still there either. But whatever the case may be, the important thing is that I’ve moved forward with my life, and I am now in the happiest place I have ever been, having moved on to bigger and better things. And that leads me to answer a question that probably just popped in your head- what am I doing now?

Well, to be honest, that’s not a simple question to answer, because I’m up to a lot these days…a lot of great things, that is. But let me at least give you a rundown of what my life has been like since leaving the Broadcast News industry.

THE ROAD AHEAD

Right after I left the station, I became an Instacart shopper as a way to get by and temporarily pay the bills until I could find another permanent full-time job elsewhere. I was first looking for a gig in the social media marketing field. I’m a social media content creator on the side, so I thought this would be a good fit for me. After struggling to find this type of work, however, I briefly became interested in becoming a financial advisor. I took most of the tests to try to get my license, but things just didn’t work out in this profession.

So, after a year of struggling to find work, I reluctantly decided to go back to working at Walmart. I worked there for five years from when I was in high school to when I graduated college, so I thought I would temporarily go back there, just to get back on my feet financially. After spending about nine months at a Walmart store in Eugene, I was able to find work at Costco. I shopped for Instacart orders there pretty frequently, and made friends with many of the employees. So I thought I would take a chance, especially since it’s known to be a great company to work for. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

In just a few months working there, I’ve made so many friends with my coworkers, and have been shown the pretty neat perks of working at a store that sells in bulk, something I never thought I’d be seeing just three years ago. But something I do take notice of when I go to work every day is the positive culture between members and associates. The supervisors and managers there are willing to teach you everything and make you better. In other words, they’re acting as great coaches who want to help you succeed.

Don’t get me wrong! There are tough days, and there are times when you have to deal with hard situations and learn how to solve them on your own. And with all of that, there can be some days where you’re sternly told right from wrong after you make a mistake. But that kind of tough love the company shows is positive and encouraging. And if anything, it’s made me into a wiser, humbler person whose primary goal now is to move up with the company, and hopefully become a supervisor. Who would’ve thought that I would be making my next big career step in retail, let alone at a membership club? But so far, given how happy I am at my job, I have no complaints.

Apart from my job at Costco, my autistic advocacy and content creation campaign has really taken off. After I left the station, I had much more time on my hands to work on my social media brand and platform. So while I was an Instacart shopper, I was putting a lot of effort into my business, expanding my outreach to schools across the Pacific Northwest. I was able to speak at my alma mater Washington State University’s Disability Symposium two years ago, and have since spoken to more than ten schools and organizations about my autism diagnosis and journey. On social media, I’ve amassed more than 200,000 followers on TikTok, and, at the time of this writing, am close to cracking 10,000 followers on Instagram.

I’ve even taken my business’s brand to another level. About two years ago, I came up with an idea to create the T-shirt line “Autism Is Lit.” I had the T-shirts made with the expectation that it would never take off. But as we’ve all heard before…NEVER SAY NEVER! Once I started vending outside and selling my shirts on random street corners in Eugene, many local townspeople, and even some businesses, took notice of my shirt’s slogan and overall message.

As my T-shirts began to spread around town, I started posting fun videos of me dancing by my promotional vending spot on Instagram. Many of these dancing videos have gone viral, and my name and brand have become even more well-known. I expanded on the idea of doing outside dancing videos, and started interviewing random people on the streets near my vending booth, which has also been quite successful on social media.

I’m still hoping to run my business full-time, with my five-year plan being to travel the world giving speaking engagements and talks about autism awareness and acceptance, and being a strong autism advocate who posts the best quality content on all social platforms. I still have a ways to go before I can ever reach that milestone, but knowing what I’ve been through the past few years, I know that there’s nothing in this world I can’t accomplish.

I should also note that I started taking up CrossFit at a gym when I first moved to Eugene, building a family there of people who motivate me to get up every morning and come over to get a tough workout in. Because of this, I’m now the healthiest I have ever been, consistently working out there five days a week.

Overall, reflecting on these past three years of being in Eugene, Oregon, I can proudly say I’ve had the most personal growth and character building I’ve ever had. I went from wanting to get out of Eugene the moment I stepped foot into the town, to making friendships and connections with people that will last a lifetime. My dream since graduation has been to always move to the Seattle area, but realizing how much this community has embraced me, I’m not sure if I’m ready to leave just yet. With a fresh perspective on life and new motivation to reach greater heights, my story in Eugene is not quite finished. I still have my work to do in this town of nearly 400,000 people.

But echoing the main premise of this story, some people have asked me why I’m not interested in going back to the Broadcast News industry. And even though I haven’t told everyone, but only a select few of people, of what happened to me at the station, I’ve kept my answer short by saying the work environment just wasn’t for me, and I feel like my autistic advocacy initiatives and job at Costco are my true callings. I want to be clear that I will always love the Broadcast News industry and the people I made friends with there, but given what I dealt with at the station compared to all the amazing things I’m doing now, I just have no desire to go back. Let me flip that statement on its end to a rhetorical question: With what I’m accomplishing now, why in the world would I go back to that toxic environment?

My successes and achievements have not come on a linear path. I hit a lot of bumps in the road to get to where I’m at now. But even with everything I’ve faced the past few years, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because we all need to go on that bumpy journey to help make ourselves stronger, wiser, and humbler.

And with the term “wisdom” in mind, I want to leave you with a few takeaways I have from my experiences of verbal harassment and abuse in the Broadcast News industry.

TAKEAWAYS

1. The anchor I worked with would often say to me during each shift that if you’re not tough enough to take insults and unreasonable behavior, then you shouldn’t be in the Broadcast News industry. To me, the anchor twists this statement on its end in such a dangerous way. Yes, I agree with them that you have to have thick skin in the industry. However, degrading and insulting your coworkers along with their performance, and then making it a habit almost every day to do so, is not the way to show toughness. Simply put, if your coworkers were to treat you unreasonably and insult you almost every day, they wouldn’t be your coworkers for very long. In reality, the true method of showing toughness is to coach people. And by coaching means to lift people up and show them the right way to perform a certain task correctly. In other words, teach and educate. Don’t insult, yell, or dehumanize! At that level, that’s not being tough. That’s straight-up bullying.

2. While I’m not here to downright insult the anchor at the station, I do want to respectfully tell the truth about their character and morals. Frankly, their character did not include working together and being a teammate, but fell along the lines of narcissism and being a control freak. My parents taught me that narcissists and control freaks have serious personal issues and insecurities going on in their lives outside of their job that they have trouble working out on their own, so they decide to control others to make themselves feel better. I understand when someone says they’re having problems and challenges outside of work. Believe me, I’ve had countless of them. But it's completely unacceptable to drag people down with you, especially on the job when you’re trying to showcase your professionalism.

3. Even with what I’ve brought up in how poorly I was treated, I do admit there were a few situations where I slipped up and could’ve used better judgment when handling certain issues. One in particular was when I was working with my two fellow colleagues I mentioned earlier who went to WSU with me. Unfortunately, I’m no longer in contact with them, with many reasons being other stories I’m not going to get into. But I can simply say there were times when I slipped up on a couple social media posts and posted the wrong things on my platforms at the wrong times. It certainly rubbed both of them the wrong way, and I put out an image of myself that made them very uncomfortable around me. Again, there were other reasons, but that sums up most of them. There were also other instances where I don’t think I communicated with the morning team enough when smaller issues were going on. Even worse, when I was first having a conflict with my anchor and editor, I think I tried to pull one of my colleagues a little bit too close to my side of the table, and I think it made them nervous to continue talking to me. Looking back, I can completely understand how they felt, as I would probably do the same thing if I were in their situation. But with all this in mind, I now reflect on the lessons I learned from these mistakes, and am thankful for them, because I would not be where I am today without having made them.

4. With everything I’ve said when it comes to my negative feelings towards the anchor and editor at the station, you may be wondering if I feel the same about the news director and general manager. I don’t like to be the type of person to throw hate or bad vibes around to just anyone, so if I had to be fair, I don’t have any ill feelings towards the director or GM. I’ve bumped into them a couple times here and there since working at the station, and they’ve seen what I’m doing now, but that’s as far as what I want them to know about me. If you put yourself in my shoes, it’s just very awkward to face the people from the company you filed a complaint against. So I do respect them from a personal level. Would I want to be friends with them? Absolutely not! But at least I can respect them personally.

5. In the grand scheme of Broadcast News, I still strongly believe it’s a great industry, but there are too many problems within it when it comes to treating others with respect. Believe it or not, the verbal abuse I experienced at the station was nothing new to me. I briefly mentioned this at the beginning of my story, but prior to graduating from college, I served as a student executive at a student-led TV station at WSU. Unfortunately, the President of the station whom I thought was my best friend turned out to also be a narcissist and control freak, just like the anchor I worked with. They would love you when you were on their good side, but absolutely hate you and make your life miserable when you were on their bad side. And at a moment’s notice, they would slap you in the face with some of the worst verbal insults that could ever be said to somebody. I ended up leaving my job there because of this behavior. I bring this up because I assure you if I experienced all of this twice in two different situations, then I bet you other members of broadcasting, including some of my close colleagues, have as well. A few weeks after I left the TV station in Eugene and told my family the news when I came home to visit in-person, my mom said something that really stuck out to me (and still sticks with me): “We are living in the 2020s, and that kind of behavior is still going on in the workplace.” And guess what? It’s true. That behavior still exists. If any of you reading this think that kind of abuse stopped decades ago, it hasn’t. And that means a lot in today’s world because local news stations like the one I worked at are dying. It mostly stems from an increase in national news consumption, staffing issues at local stations, and a general lack of interest with current generations to become news reporters or anchors. So if we all want to save local news…and the news in general…from extinction, we need to start by positively motivating the few people who are joining the industry. And that’s not by insulting or coldly dismissing them. That’s by working with them in the most professional way possible to ensure they do succeed or, at the bare minimum, perform at a high level.

6. With that in mind, the sentiment of “If you’re not tough enough, you won’t make it and this isn’t for you,” is nothing new that I haven’t heard before. Some of my mentors in the Broadcasting industry whom I’ve known since high school have said the exact same thing. But when some of my colleagues hear this, they think that means if you can’t develop thick skin, then you’re too weak to make it in any industry. And that is entirely untrue! I view this sentiment simply as a choice. And that choice is to stay if you can handle it, or leave if you don’t like it. In my case, if the Broadcast News industry is truly what they say it is- a verbally abusive and harassing environment that destroys your mental health and peace of mind- then I guess it really isn’t for me. And with that said, I know for a fact there are many other industries out there I’m better off being involved in that truly value me and my hard work.

To anyone who’s wondering if I’m still reeling over my experiences at the station, I’m here to let you know that I’m doing great. I’m in a great situation at my current job, and as of late, my life has been on the upswing. I’ve never let any challenge hold me back from achieving long-term success, and this is no different. Although the road ahead remains uncertain, I can proudly say I’m stepping onto it with confidence and determination.

In regards to my story, however, I want to again be explicitly clear that I am not telling it to publicly embarrass or humiliate the station I worked with. As an advocate, that is not my way of doing things. I’m only bringing awareness to what I dealt with, and I hope it encourages anyone out there who’s dealing with a similar situation, either at work or in their personal life, to stand up for themselves and fight back against bullying or abusive behavior.

MY FINAL MESSAGE

“I hope none of you who have read this ever find yourself in the same situation I was in. But if you’ve been through what I’ve been through, I feel for you and understand what was done to you. What happened sticks with you for a long time. But you can choose to have it drag you down, or you can use it to get back up. The road back on top is not a linear path, but we must be willing to face the series of twists and turns so we can deal with the headwinds of constant change, even if that means facing off against our greatest enemies. Get up! You can do this. In the words of my dad, let’s all make something positive happen today!”

-Gillis Williams IV